(Extracted from Barking Up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker)
Isaacson said, “One of his strengths as a thinker, if not as a parent, was that he had the ability, and the inclination, to tune out all distractions, a category that to him sometimes included his children and family.” When they demanded his attention, he doubled down on his work. This strained his family to the breaking point. Einstein said, “I treat my wife as an employee whom I cannot fire.” And this was not merely a barb thrown out in the heat of anger. When his marriage began to break down he presented his wife with a contract that detailed what he expected of her if the relationship was to continue:
… Ted Williams’s incredible ability came from the fact that he spent all his time focused on baseball, but his weakness was also that he spent all his time focused on baseball.
Williams divorced three times.
… As George Bernard Shaw said, “The true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.” And where was Mozart when his wife was giving birth to their first child? In the other room composing, of course.
… One study found people high in perfectionism were 33 percent less likely to have satisfying relationships.
… So having a calling one is obsessively passionate about can bring success and fulfillment, but it can also crowd out relationships, which are key to happiness. Harvard researcher Shawn Achor echoed this, “The people who survive stress the best are the ones who actually increase their social investments in the middle of stress, which is the opposite of what most of us do.
… Unchecked, getting those ten thousand hours of deliberate practice can lead to a dark place.
… marriage has a noticeably negative effect on output among scientists, authors, jazz musicians, painters, and even criminals. The author of the study, Satoshi Kanazawa writes, “Scientists rather quickly desist after their marriage, while unmarried scientists continue to make great scientific contributions later in their lives.”
… So while obsessive work may be necessary for the heights of success, it doesn’t lead to a fulfilling, balanced life.